my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
