Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
