I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
