Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
