you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
