well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
