Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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