just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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