my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
