just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
