I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
