we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
