I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
