if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
