i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
