He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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