I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
