Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
