dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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