The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
