My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I party with great urgency now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
