I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
