Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
