I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
