God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
