Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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