Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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