the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
