we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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