Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
