I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
