Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I party with great urgency now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
