God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
