I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
