All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
