I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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