I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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