1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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