Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
