I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
