Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
