It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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