I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
