Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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