Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
