Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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