No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
