She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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