You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
