Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
