erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is puke in my bra ... again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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