god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
