NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
